I do want to do something.

Longing for a room
November 21, 2007, 11:37 am
Filed under: Beirut notes


In my desire for having a space where I could be alone, with my stuff, my computer and my body, I came across Chantal Akerman’s film “je tu il elle” 1975. A black and white filmic exploration on the subjectivities that form the pronouns, I, you, him and her. In what I consider to be the first part of the film, she spends her time (28 days) in her room, exploring its space, moving its furniture around, doing things such as writing letters to her lover that she lays on the floor and tries to pin down, eats ice sugar compulsively, walks naked and lies on the floor. Her voice and the actions she narrates are not synchronized with the image. This creates a time lag that plays with the way we read the image and fragments the perception of Ackerman’s persona and her space-time environment. My time-space environment.

My stuff is still in London, and my father is here. Aurora is in Rome, and my body. I lost it. Or I can’t really read it anymore. My clothes don’t fit but in a strange way, the legs or ok, by my stomach really swollen. My books and my references, I try to carry, just as my laptop that has become a protesis, the shell of a snail or the carapace of a turtle . Two slow animals that carry their house on them. The space that I carry on my back is missing an o (I broke the keyboard while writing my dissertation).

My friend Karine said that she thought Akerman’s movie was disturbing and anguishing. I didn’t thought so. I envied her . She was completely inside her body, while simultaneously outside it. She was her body, while exploring it. She conveyed me an uncanny temporality, outside the world, having the world inside.

Trying to make my body my room.

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