I do want to do something.

On black polished shoes
October 22, 2007, 6:39 pm
Filed under: love stories

In my attempts to understand my last relationship, I’m back to my previous previous one, trying to bridge some bits and pieces; what I took and what I left-and economy of the self-what remains and how it remains. The point is not about the love that is gone, it is about how I relate to the distance that it left. I see it now as a particular distance, not only the one between ex-partners, but one that is radical in a perceptive shift, an aesthetic one (this would need more investigation and discussion. To come…), of the way life is looked at.  I told him love was a social thing, he started talking about personalities. Not only, would I say, also black polished shoes.

In one interview I had with the artist Lina Saneh about the private and the public sphere in Lebanon, she mentioned “love”: “Love: how do we love, who do we love, what are we looking for in love, what do we expect from love and how do we handle it, etc…All this also depends, among other things, on ideologies, often dominating and belligerent ideologies. How to talk about love in Lebanon, for example.” Today, now, I think I have abandoned a certain “love” (the one you wanted me to hold on to, “because all men are selfish”, you said). I am looking at/for another one. Not more “real” and more “sincere”, but another construction, another aesthetic (hoping that there is something else).


Upside down
October 15, 2007, 4:20 pm
Filed under: Art stuff

I liked Doris Salcedo’s  Shibboleth- a crack on the Turbine Hall floor at Tate Modern-  especially after Carsten Holler’s slides. It is somehow paradoxical. On one hand it is highly symbolic, a crack, a division, something being thorn, the earth opening up/down, cataclysmic sounds, an apocalyptic scenario, jubilatory and morbid.  It is  also at Tate Modern, one of the leading institutions in the contemporary art world, it is highly manufactured (it took more than 100  workers to realize it), designed and sculpted, a “controlled crack/opening” as my friend qualified it.  The symbolic/ controlled aspect can be even more disturbing  considering the political dimension of Salcedo’s work and what the crack stands for (“colonial and imperial history that has been disregarded, marginalised or simply obliterated…the history of racism, running parallel to the history of modernity and…its untold dark side” Doris Salcedo, text by Martin Herbert published in the Tate Modern brochure distributed to the public).

It seems dubious to me that the untold dark side of modernity could be told at Tate Modern, even glimpsed at through the inner walls of a crack…But I still liked it because of what it made people do. Look down. to the floor, bend on their knees and being attentive to the steps, putting their legs on each side of the crack, as if penetrated by a deep and invisible space. It’s not what the space stands for that was important but the horizontally of her piece and the way it could involve the viewer. Instead of sliding form top to down, going up again for some more (Maybe I’ll try the higher slide after the middle one!), people were walking in relation to a space, impenetrable, but open. A glimpse were they were not involved or even trapped in a whirling experience but rather experiencing a limitation.  A scar will remain on the Tate Modern floor (another piece of the collection?) and, again, it will stand for something, become the representation of the representative crack. Perhaps, however, people will be able to feel something under their feet.

Naive is nice or/ “and” Cystitis” (from Skype)
October 7, 2007, 3:31 pm
Filed under: Learn me how to read

-I like and I don’t like what this masters gave me

-what do you mean?…to much criticality?

-ya too much …of you have to contextualize ur work a bit too much everything has a narrative that u should be aware of…and what narrative? who’s?

– I know what you mean when you say loose yourself, you have to think what is important for you, what you like, what you enjoy…the rest, who gives a fuck…if you loose that, then your lost…and it’s hard to maintain

– ya but this is what the masters pushes u towards

-with all the critical stuff…but that’s the challenge

– ya but its easy to loose here

– and that’s when you begin really to think

– its a kinda of a fight

– not listening to some academic formatting

-ya…and deformatting what has been formatted

-so, take a brake if you need to

-or not be completely dominated

– yes…anyways, it’s impossible not to be critical… but then you have to find ways of enjoying this…even not being critical, is being critical towards critique

-ya but its impossible not to be dominated by certain discourses…and this is what is frustrating

– but you are formed by these same discourses..

-of course

– Whatever discourse they are…there is always a discourse

-but you want keep a distance and its different when u r making work

-what do you mean?

-sometimes u don’t wanna know too much or have to know too muchthe pressure or have to

-yes… you don’t have to.

– you do it if it gives something to you

– but you can never be sure you want to know

– yeah… that’s a choice

-coz you don’t want to be left out

-left out of what?

– left out of what you think is the thing you should know…you don’t wanna be naiveand do things naively either

– yes, but that’s an infinite circle, and then what you come to know does not give you anything but to say “i know”…but what and how do you know, is how you learn… and then there is leaning from experience…not only from books…see the leaning as part of you, you are always learning.

-ya but am talking in art profession in london just out of the uni

– ya but what do you need to learn there? how to sell yourslef?

– in a way yes…i mean depends how u approach it…but ya

-yes, I got that. but think, there is the project and the association, and that is so much more than any  of the young exiting artists are doing…it’s so much

-ya i know its great!…but am a bit torn

– you know, on the blog, I wrote something on knowledge, “kool Thing” read it !

– which blog?

-www.mirenearsanios.wordpress.com…torn between what?

-: between making work and other things that are as important for me like the association

-our project…that i find very powerful

– yes…

-and more interesting than my work

– but don’t think about it  in opposition… but listen, the work that you are doing in Beirut will contribute to your practice

-but am always afraid to loose something. and that’s not good


-my approach to the whole thing is not so clear i guess…try to get away from practiceand separating things like that

-to which whole thing?

-i kinda wanna control things in categories-yes…

– but try to think about your life as something creative…and that is precisely going against categories

– my life as a stage

-that want to keep artists  as artists, x as x…no, you are living your life…you are an actor in it…you have a body…and thoughts and feelings…and you think with all of that as well

-and cystitis

-yes, that’s when the thinking goes wrong…

-and the fucking too hard

The summer is in autumn
October 2, 2007, 2:49 pm
Filed under: London notes

No light coming from the window, no light in the room, and feeling always a bit breathless and burpy. And thinking, thinking, thinking. About about about. I pay attention to this words, about, on , with, and, but, or, with. Thinking about how I think, and there is no way out, but to be with me. Useless to run away, where, into other thoughts. Have to find a particularity, always already have a particularity. Trying to be “here” without seeing it in opposition to “there”. Am I really interested in “space”? Yes, as a way to think where I am. Now you are so far away. Into another world, time, space, in my heart? To what rhythm does my heart beat, to what time and to what space? If my heart is not “attuned to the heartbeat of contingency”  (E. Kososfky Sedgwick) was it or is it ever. Thinking is already a step aside. So there was no summer, no tan no bodily transformation, a bit of boots and a bit of sandals, warm but always a bit windy. Craving for the sun and getting use to the rain. This meteorological dislocation is the setting that orchestrates my life. I don’t like when the plane moves, nothing has to move but everything is, and when the tube stops, panic. Need to stand on my feet, need to be able to stop, and breath (“ take a deep breath” Skype). Need to feel the ground under my feet and my body at an in each of my steps, need to feel my body again, between seasons, the plane and the tube, here and there.